Fancy Pants Olive Spread

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I'm Erin Allmann. I love family, friends and food. A lot. I live in a teeny, tiny apartment in a place called Paradise with a wonderful boyfriend named Brett who cooks much better than I do. We both happen to be fantastic at eating and whenever we're not doing so, (which isn't all that often), we try to stay occupied outdoors. We're also two of the biggest nerds you can ever find, so excuse the occasional o-chem, bio, Harry Potter, or Star Wars reference.

Latest posts by Erin Allmann (see all)

I don’t know why I think olives are fancy. But I do. Also, you should know, you are speaking to a reformed olive-hater. Yep. I hated olives. Pretty hardcore, actually. Almost  as much as I hated beans. Actually, maybe even more than I hated beans. I don’t know why. I don’t have a reason. I think it was because olives tend to be a bit vinegar-y… kind of like pickles, which I also hated. I kind of still don’t like pickles. They’re growing on me, though. But olives. I made it a point to learn to like them. Is that weird? We were out to dinner one night, and they gave us olives with our bread or something or other, and I took one and I looked at Brett and I said.. “I am going to make myself like olives.” So I ate a small bite. Then the next time I took a bigger bite. And bigger. And now, well I kind of like olives. I actually quite enjoy them. Even green ones, which took me longer just because they’re creepy-looking.

So there’s this olive spread. Our friend makes it. I’ve liked it since even before I liked olives. This isn’t that olive spread. I’ll get that recipe eventually. But I had leftover olives in my fridge and I wanted spread. So I forged ahead recipe-less. And came up with this. It’s pretty dang good, if I do say so myself. So if you happen to like olives, or even if you think you don’t, or if you’d like to like olives but you don’t quite yet, go ahead and try this. I like it.

Olive Spread

(inspired by this recipe, but I really just looked at the basic ingredients so I don’t think it ended up resembling it at all.)


  • approx 15 oz black olives, pitted. (not gonna lie to you guys; I used 6.75 ounces because that’s how much I had leftover. But normal people don’t have that many olives. One can or one jar ranges from 12-15 oz, so the recipe I’m giving you is for one can or one jar; it’s double what I actually made. Make sense? Good.)
  • 3 tbsp fresh flat leaf parsley
  • 2 1/2 tbsp olive oil
  • 2 tbsp lemon juice
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • salt and pepper to taste


  1. Throw everything into your tall cup and fit with the crossblade. To blend this, because it’s very dry,  you’ll want to pulse it several times, and then shake it down and pulse again, and then let it blend but shake the whole bullet apparatus, base and all, while it’s blending. Do this until it’s fairly smooth, but not baby food; you want a bit of texture in it.
  2. You can spread this on bread or toast; I ate it with tortilla chips because, well, they were closest to me and I’m lazy. It was delish. And it’s fancy. Because it’s olives.